I believe this is the worst time of year for all of us, just knowing that someone is missing is the hardest. 1999 it still feels like yesterday, but soon it will be 10 years with holding Kat. I have been missing her so much this week. I just want her here with me. I still find my self angry at God for taking her home and not letting me be a Mother to her. I understand that this is my path in life but it doesn't mean it doesn't suck.  I know how hard the following weeks are going to be for me. I can remember 10 years ago this time of year having her in my belly kicking around how I miss that feeling .. Jan 4 will be Kats 10th birthday. wow 10 years with out. missing her I would give anything I mean anything just to hold her again. to listen to that little heart beat. Writing this blog tonight is very hard for me but I know I am not alone you are also feeling this pain. wondering why me why us why are kids........ I don't have the answers to that. I just know the pain. and yes the days can get easier but that pain will always be there.that never goes away we just learn to deal with it different. we hide it put a smile on and fake it. I have turned my pain and angry into something wonderful this site, Helping you has helped me in so many ways, Thank you for letting me help you and for your friendship, I would like to also say please try to have a Merry Christmas and a happy new years and remember if things feel like they are to much to handle asks for help. we are always here. God bless
with love,Candi
And I ask how was your day?????
Song for the night Avril : slipped away.
( Kat my little butterfly Mommy is missing you so much I love you and can't wait to hold you again.I love you baby girl..)

I think this is all we ever want in life, Just to be happy and sometimes we lose sight in what makes makes us happy.

Why is it so hard for me to quit smoking... I have been smoking for wow I don't even want to say how long... we will just say a few long years. It has become my friend in many ways... I really don't want to quit. Quitting something you love and enjoy doing but you know how bad it is for you, Just sucks anyway you put it. I did stop when I was pregnant, but I new it might hurt my baby and I could not do that. So why is it now that I am hurting myself and OK with it. why is it so hard to just stop doing something that can and most likely will destroy my life the one I have worked so hard to make perfect... In  my head I know I must just stop and walk away forever and never look back. BUT my heart is telling me something so different. It is telling me not to give up again, to stick it out everything will work out in the end.. But really will it ever work out it never has yet over all these years and crazy feelings, it has been a let down and am I  real ready to face yet again failure......I know what I should do but I know I really don't want to do that, I like smoking, I like being able to enjoy it. I really am just going to have to give in and give up this is going no where fast. It is only a matter of time before I get hurt or hurt the ones I love.. So I have to just stop it...... I guess giving up bad habits are hard. Even harder when YOU REALLY ENJOY IT.....I guess we will all have to wait to see what will happen with my bad habit.....
So with this said I would love to hear your input and what has helped you give up on something you love to do, but you knew how  bad it was for you...
Be well with love,Candi
And I ask how was your day????
P.S. off line until Monday enjoy your weekend. We are looking at a lot of snow so I will be snowed in loving every  minute of it.... I love the snow.
Song for the weekend: Maxwell, Bad habits.(This is an amazing song)

This song is one of my favorites, It's crazy if we stop and think
about it. Not one person looks at another the same way. One person might hate everything about you but the other might just love those very things....  So with that said always be true to yourself. Don't change your ways for anyone, you will find that person who loves you for just that YOU..... Well this is my song for the night. Take a minute and listen to this song. Have a great night I know I am going to.
And I ask how was your day????
Be well with love, Candi
According to you...

I just love this song. The first time I listen to it I mean really listen to it I cried which is not so crazy cause I am a cry baby LOL.... Just ask my friend Judy she'll tell you. But I do have to say I think we all at one time or another felt this way. We just felt Invisible and no matter how hard we would try it would not change the outcome. But Taylor swift got it right with this song....

I am done for the day to much work............ I am just gonna grab a book( my new favorite author Emily Giffin, this is the third book of hers I am reading. I love them)  and get get lost in it, while I listen to my ipod of course.. Love my music.
Song for the night: Pink you make me sick (another great song, I love the lyrics. )You make me sick.....

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip,
I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy
baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You make me sick…

He was doing 8-0 on the freeway
In the 6 double O, bumpin' Isley
He was gettin' kinda close, kinda touch-ay
Cuz he had a little too much Hennessey
He told me that he wanna go home,
with me up on the hill to my condo
Told me he would keep it all on the low-low
But I told him, "boo, I don't really know though"…

He got closer to me...it started gettin' deep
He had me in a zone when he started to show me things
I never saw before
Baby was smooth but I knew it was game
Hell-of-a-cool but you men are the same
The way he licked his lips and touched my hips
I knew that he was slick…

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip,
I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You make me sick…

In the 6 now, so hot
Gotta pull all the windows down
Eyes lead and I'm thinkin' bout the sheets now
Wonderin' really should I take it there now
He told me he would make it worth it
Again, how many times have I heard this
Kinda funny, but I wasn't even nervous
Well his slick-ass lines were kinda working…

I felt my knees get weak...his body was callin' me
Just couldn't take the heat
Anyway it was 2 or 3, I had to get off the streets
Baby was cool but I knew it was game
Said, he was too schooled to be screamin' my name
Even though we made the best of it
I still told him this...

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip,
I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You make me sick…

Hmmm yeah

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip,
I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You make me sick…

I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip,
I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You make me sick…

(You make me sick)
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Hot when you touch the tip,
I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit

Can't..no no no no no
Oh, you make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
And I'm hatin' it

Today I had a busy day. My head is spinning. I hate the unknown the what if's. Second guessing myself sucks.. who knows what will happen. I know I am clueless. I guess I have to just roll with the punches...LOL . it is what it is and that is all it can be right????????I will just sit back an enjoy this ride we call life and stop trying to figure it all out.
 Quote for the night: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take But by the number of moments that take our breath away.......
 I love this song it just says it all......
 Song for the night Taylor swift: Invisible
She can’t see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

Yeah, mmm

There’s a fire inside of you
That can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

Like shadows in a faded light
Oh, were invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes
And make you realize

I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you, let me want you

You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile..

Today I am taking off and running away. Just me and my book. I will be offline for the weekend shutting off my crackberry.LOL
This weekend I am focusing on me.Cleaning out my head. I think we all need to shut down and regroup once in a while. With Kat's Birthday just around the corner and my everyday stress, I need a break. So if your having a bad day I suggest you find a little hole and hide in it. Detach yourself from the world and take a much needed time out.,,,You will be happy you did.
Be well with love Candi'
And I ask how was your day???
    Quote for the night: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take But by the number of moments that take our breath away.......
song for the weekend: Sade and Maxwell : Let's not play the game!
So if this is you
Here's what you should do
Don't even come up
Don't even say stuff
You know it ain't true
Baby what's the use
Let's not play the game

She used to be the dreams I'd dreamed of
The air that I breathe
The words I speak of
But in reality the girl was out for gold, yeah
Honey, honey let's not proceed
If it's because
You're out for cheese
If it's just the
Things associated with me
Girl don't play no roles

[Repeat 1]

Let's not play the game
Let's not play the game
Don't get me wrong cause I still believe
Baby, baby I still believe
That love is all that ever was
And love is all that it ever will be
See but it's about honesty so
So let's not play the game
Let's not play the game

[Repeat 1]

Let's not play the game
Let's not play the game

[Repeat 1]

Let's not play the game

[Repeat 1]

Let's not play the game
Let's not play the game
Let's not play the game

All I ever wanted to give you was a little bit of lovely
Let's not play the game
All I ever wanted to give you was a little bit of happy
Let's not play the game
No but apparently all you really wanted was the money
Let's not play the game
Let's not
Let's not play the game
Let's not play the game

So for some time now I have been  working hard on my book, which I hope will be ready and out  by this time next year. I am having a hard time finding an ending, there really is not an ending. My life is just beginning, everyday I found out something new about myself. So this is my issues for the night how to end something that means some much to you, kinda like having to say  goodbye, this to me has always been hard to. Saying goodbye to something you love or have loved is hard and hurts.  It leaves you feeling hopeless. I hate that feeling..  But sometimes all we can do is let go and pray for the best outcome. I guess I can use my famous saying for this one too, IT IS WHAT IT IS.... and can't be anything more..
Ok with that said please have a great night.
And I ask how was your day???
Be well with love,Candi xoxo
Song for the night: Already gone ( this song is the story of my life)

The Sam’s Club/Wal-Mart Corporation recently attended a fund raiser for the Make A Wish Foundation for a young boy who lives in Mexico, NY.  He is 4 years old and has Terminal cancer.  They say he won’t live till the end of the year and may not even make it to Christmas.  As you know Make A Wish will help grant a child’s final wish.  Instead of going to Disney or getting some sort of toy his last wish is to receive Christmas cards from as many people as he can all around the world.  His parents gave permission to pass out his address. So I told my mom I would help spread the word.  Please tell your friends and family about this.  Thank you.  

Jacob Hadcock

127 North Street

Mexico, NY 13114


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siPDOoPFil8
Please send him a card just to say hello and your thinking of him and pass this email along to your contacts you may copy and paste it off this site. Thank you and God bless Jacob , We at BWW will be praying for you and your family.

Song for the night: Beyonce Sweet dreams( this is my song for the night) Be well with love,Candi