Today I had a great day, Judy and I took the boys to lego fest. I found a great bracelet it has wings and a angel on it, Buying this made me remember how much I miss my baby girl a simple thing like a bracelet with wings made me miss her even more.
Kats birthday will be  here before I know it. Jan,4 will be 10 years with out her. without holding her...... I can't tell you how much I dislike the holidays, I put on a happy face and smile, and make believe everything is OK. When inside I am dieing without her This has to be the hardest part for me, the pain never goes away we just learn to fake it...
In 1999 right before Thanksgiving I found out how sick she was. I was only 19 and had to handle all this on my own. Knowing  that I am her Mother and my job was to keep her safe,Protect her from
any harm and I failed to do that kills me everyday. I live with that guilt,,, My body made her sick, and didn't give her everything she needed. It is very hard not to blame yourself. I know they (the doctors) told me their was nothing I could have done for her. But as a Mom I don't feel  that way their must have been something...
We take for granted the simple things in life, like buying a bracelet and for anyone else it would have been a easy thing to do, But for a Mom with a baby with wings, this simple bracelet
reminds me of what I am missing..As my house fills this Thanksgiving with friends and family members and every year seems to get bigger I think we are up too 22 last time I counted, Their will always be someone missing, I will like every year that passes be in the kitchen cooking away, I have to keep busy or I will break down.... Please take the time to enjoy the simple things, A hug from your kids or a lego mess in the living room.
You really never know what tomorrow will bring you, Be thankful you have today,and live for that..Please know I will be praying for all of you as I know how hard the holidays can be..
Be well with love,Candi xoxo

Song for the night: Kelly Clarkson - Does He Love You (Duet With Reba Mcentire) Lyrics
I've known about you for a while now
When he leaves me he wears a smile now
As soon as he's away from me
In your arms is where he wants to be

But you're the one he rushes home to
You're the one he gave his name to
I'll never see his face in the early morning light
You have his mornings, his daytimes
And sometimes I have his nights

But does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he loves me (Like he loves me)
Does he think of you (Does he think of you)
When he's holding me
And does he whisper (Does he whisper)
All his fantasies
Does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he's been loving me

But when he's with me
He says he needs me
And that he wants me
That he believes in me

And when I'm in his arms
Oh he swears there's no one else
Is he deceiving me
Or am I deceiving myself
(Am I deceiving myself)

Both:
But does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he loves me (Like he loves me)
Does he think of you (Does he think of you)
When he's holding me
And does he whisper (Does he whisper)
All his fantasies
Does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he's been loving me

Reba:
Oh shouldn't I lose my temper

Kelly:
Oh and shouldn't I be ashamed

Reba:
Cuz I have everything to lose

Kelly:
And I, I have nothing to gain

Both:
But does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he loves me (Like he loves me)
Does he think of you (Does he think of you)
When he's holding me
And does he whisper (Does he whisper)
All his fantasies
Does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he's been loving me

Reba:
Oh does he love you